This speaks to all of us no matter what stage you are at.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas
pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot
of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank
all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had
eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was
at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and
wrote 'Revelation 3:20' o n the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the
following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message,
'Genesis 3:10.'
Reaching for his Bible to check out the verse, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins :'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads: 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'
'A cheerful heart is good medicine' (Prov. 17:22)
On the first day, God created the dog and said:'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten dog gave back.'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
This would be even funnier if it weren't true:
On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25,000-30,000 people show up,
whereas when McCain holds one he only draws 10,000-15,000. The Republican spokesman replied, "That's because McCain's supporters are at work.
Wow! Guess I haven't been keeping up life interrupted. Well here is quick one.
An elderly man in ARKANSAS had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' Some old men can still think fast.
(God rest his soul)
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved.
Anyone that knows me has heard me complain about the multilingual signs that are becoming more and more prevalent in our everyday lives. This is America damn it, and we speak English, I refuse to speak anything else in my own country. Well finally someone has written a nice article that drives the point home. Oddly enough it was in response to something the democratic nominee for president said. Follow the link below to read the article.
Initial observations are it is sturdy little car that gets the job done. More latter after I break her in a bit.
