Three Things to
Ponder:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten
Commandments
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it
amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single
cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept
in the state of Washington ? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But
they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our
country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .
Why don't we just give them
ours? It was written by a lot of really smart
guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it
anymore.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real
reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,"
and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more."
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian
youth's rite of
Passage?
His father takes him into the
forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole
night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sunshine
through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives
the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this
experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own.The boy is naturally
terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely
be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The
wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun
appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he
discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been
at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm. We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't
know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to
do is reach out to Him.
If you liked this story, pass it on. If
not, you took off your blindfold before dawn.
Moral of the story: Just because you
can't see God, Doesn't mean He is not there. 'For we walk by faith,
not by sight.'
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency
called a spontaneous
staff meeting in the middle of a
particularly stressful week. (This is
one pretty sharp boss!)
When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood
the benefits of
having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the
meeting
was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra
advertising
slogans. The only rule was they had to use past
ad slogans, originally
written for other products that captured
the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations were
acceptable.
About 7 minutes later, they turned in their
suggestions and created a
Top 10 List. With all the laughter
and camaraderie, the rest of the
week went very well for
everyone!
The top 10 were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagr a, like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1.
This is your peepee. This is your peepee on
drugs.
I have never been a big Montel Williams fan but this man speaks the truth in the video clip below and gets sensored for it. It was a tragedy about Heath Ledger and my heart goes out to his family. however I am impressed by what this guy is saying, maybe he should be on one of the party tickets.
Now for a more serious topic then some of those below. With so many people in my circle of friends switching to tele-working I thought a link to this article may help them setup a good work environment. I am doing the same thing myself hopefully soon.
